Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing(s) over and over while expecting favorable results. We do this very thing in our own lives and “normal” routines that we complete mindlessly daily. What we fail to realize is that what is normal to us may be insane or abnormal for a number of reasons to those on the outside looking in. I had that experience a few moments ago as I finally sat down to revisit my day and remembered that I had only eaten once. As I soak in my first open house as a teacher, finish grading papers, read a book with my 3 year old, sign parent stuff for my 8 year old and complete my own homework assignments, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am in insane.
I’m one of those individuals who thrives in chaos. Hence the title of my blog. I was the kid, and still am, that chooses to study while music is blasting with the television on. Despite what my grandmother would fuss about, noise helps me think and retain information. I think my theory was proven true because I’m ACTIVELY working on my Phd. 😜 I share a strong belief in regard to our experiences having direct effects on our behaviors as well as outcomes. In regard to my own life, I am convinced that my exposure to dysfunction early on activated the drive that we all have inside that innately controls our will to survive. My husband says I think with more than 10% of my brain. The verdict is still out on that lol! Lucy much.
In the midst of complete dysfunction,I learned how to function. I embraced pain and the things that people told me I couldn’t do in effort to achieve personal satisfaction and success. At the end of the day, if I don’t achieve the goals I set for myself, I will have no one to blame but me. I try to maximize my 24 hours a day to see if I can get 25. Some people clinch their pearls when I share with them my experiences within the last few years. They look at me dumbfounded when I mention that I’m BACK in school. I’m asked questions like why would you put yourself through that AGAIN. My response is always the same, why not.
I stopped comparing my life to the life of others a long time ago. When I was an angry person, I used to envy people that never experienced adversity or struggle. I would often wonder if my existence had been cursed by the actions of those that were responsible in raising me because life was once that crappy to me. That envy eventually turned into pity for those that managed to avoid the challenges of life because they will never know what it feels like to fight for what they want. The victory is that much sweeter when you have bruises to show for it. When you willfully put yourself through discomfort to obtain permanent comfort, you become greater. You become greater because struggle requires you to be greater in effort to overcome it.
As I go through my checks and balances to make sure my day runs smoothly tomorrow, I revisit my relentlessness. I give myself my nightly pep talk to make sure I am ready to save the world again starting with my daily alarm at 5:45 am. Although my feet are throbbing and I’m physically exhausted, my future awaits me daily. I remind myself that I’m not a quitter by nature and I was literally groomed for this. I will rest when my work is done. Until then, I will grind until it is no longer neccessary.
I thought my twist out and color was dope in between my students taking notes on figurative language lol!
There is definitely more where that came from.
Step outside of the box. You will be glad you did. 
I smile before I prepare to squeeze in a few hours of sleep. Insanity you are welcome. I rather count you than sheep.~Z.Reed
organizedchaosdeconstructed 